This blog chronicles my life from September 5, 2007 to May 27, 2008. It begins about a week before I moved to Berlin, Germany to teach English as a second language in kitas (kindergartens). It became, what I recall, to be a messy haven for my thoughts in many hard, confusing, lonely, and adventurously (hungover) times in Berlin and in Europe.

To quote my first entry, "I've named it das augenblick which, after much searching for a German word I thoroughly enjoyed in beauty and context, means that moment. It's connection to my words is a mere representation of what they will soon become; that moment in my life." The tagline read: Anfangen ist leicht, beharren eine Kunst. To begin is easy, to persist is art.

After I returned home on January 11, 2008 (I had run out of money), I changed the title to hot-schokolade in honour of my most favourite cafe in Berlin that served up every delectable chocolaty treat I could imagine. The tagline became: In a gentle way, you can shake the world.

From January - May I wrote about being home in London and soon after I decided to move back to Ottawa so I could return to work at a job that paid almost twice as much as I was making in London working two minimum wage jobs. My blog became permanent-jetlag because I spent those four months (and even still) dreaming of returning to Europe and never really feeling any closure as I left Berlin.

My re-beginnings in Ottawa: http://permanent-jetlag.blogspot.com/

"You just brought a knife........to a gun fight."

Last night I was one part of four on my very first double date (yes, yes(!) it was) and it was good fun, but it's obvious this is only accountable to the epic-ness of Mike and Emily and how much I miss hanging out with them on a regular basis (they're always busy). We were the only guests in a little Vietnamese restaurant on Bank called Temptation Tea Shop, where I, quite possibly, had the most delicious vegetable Udon I've ever tasted. To make it that much better, I stepped outside of strawberry and tried their kiwi bubble tea (with tapioca jellies), which was incredible. We went to a new bar down the street called the Atomic Rooster where we ordered a couple pints, the boys made friends with the loosely placed brick wall and dead plant, and Emily and I made friends with Al (his name was Al, right?). And I'm pretty sure the waitress was 10 seconds away from asking us for our facebook addresses (because we're that cool).

David and I attempted to watch Never Been Kissed but I fell asleep (it was that good). Today I woke up before 8 to write my paper. I took a break for breakfast and then we went to see Indiana Jones at the South Keys Cinema. As much as I love Harrison Ford and the crew, the whole alien ordeal is just not going to work for me. Nevertheless, I'll still look forward to all these IJ marathons B.T. will want to have in the future.

As per my paper, it's done. I'm happy with it. Tomorrow I will edit it and print it out and then get caught up on the rest of my reading that's been put on hold since I started this thing yesterday. I think this will be the first paper that I haven't rushed to finish at the last second. Let's hope the ball keeps a'rolling in such ways.

Oroonoko.

Sure it may seem like a good plan to die as nobly as possible by killing your pregnant wife by slitting her throat and cutting off her face, then subsequently planning to seek revenge on the man that made you a slave in first place, and in the end committing suicide, but how honestly far do you think a man could get before crippling himself from grief and depression?

I've read and watched some brutal things these past two days.

Today is an ongoing long day. I woke up before 8 to clean, do laundry, some homework, and some other things. I worked 12:30 until 9 and I'm about to go spend time by the BBQ with my roommates. My first paper is due on Wednesday. Word count: 0.

Ici Montréal.

Wow. I just watched the most nauseating, gruesome, twisted French-Canadian film that I have ever seen. I borrowed it from the library on account of the shady description involving jealously, vanity, emotional incest, but I must've been convinced enough by that point because I missed the mention of murder on the back cover. The film's La Belle Bête, and it's an acclaimed festival winner, but it's definitely one of the strangest pieces I've probably ever seen. Definitely one of the strangest. *shudder*

Last night we hung out in the barn before heading to Pub Italia for some eats and international beer. I scowered the menu for the cheapest German beer with the most percentage of alcohol, and it wasn't too bad tasting (though a little heavy for my liking). I also tried deep-fried zucchini for the first time and it was really delicious despite the fact that I definitely did not need to eat especially while drinking and once again woke up feeling like crap (alcohol included in this fault) and once again need to reteach myself how not to indulge while drunk when it really isn't needed. I had a good night, anyway; just good.

Today's been long and tiring and I've horribly bailed on bar plans for tonight but I need to sleep and rest and apparently watch really fucked up movies instead.

In an aeroplane over the sea.

I had my dates confused and didn't realize that my Women in Lit paper is due this Wednesday, and my Brit Lit paper is due Friday. I thought they were the other way around. Ack. I have a lot of work to do, if I want to do this well, which I do, and I'm going to.

Today I'm relaxing to every extent of the word. David brought red carnations over when he arrived for lunch. They smell nice.

Once Christine gets here, we're going to the barn for some afternoon drinks. Mm..

Take these broken wings and learn to fly.

Last night was a good time. I hopped on the 136 at Place D'Orleans and got off on the wrong stop, only to (not) find Sarah as we walked in opposite directions trying to find each other in her neighbourhood where I couldn't manage to navigate the streets. After seeing the dot of her little green coat at the end of the street, we commenced the taste testing of the red wine that'd been left at the house. Verdict: delicious. The first bottle was the affordable and lovely Jackson Triggs Merlot, and the second was of a much more expensive variety.

We sat in her basement sipping red, passing the grass, talking our faces off, and attempting to grasp at least the premise of Dirty Dancing (which was incredible despite the fact that I missed a good chunk of it). She made me salad and corn chowder for dinner and oatmeal for breakfast, also sending me off with a bag packed with veggies and soups and treats that she can no longer afford to eat after starting Weight Watchers this week. Score!

At one point when we were quite souped, the power went out and her basement was pitch dark. I probably made this up but I swear I saw a spirit and after Sarah rustled around in the dark for a while, she found a candle and lit it. The creepiest thing about all this was that, as I was telling her about the spirit, I said jokingly, "If there's a spirit here, flicker the light!!!" .........And then it flickered...?? I'm such a sucker. I am convinced Sarah was jittered as well, but she just kept saying, "Spirits don't haunt new houses. Spirits don't haunt new houses." I don't believe her.

Tonight I am sneaking out of my house to head downtown for a bit. My roommates are epic and invited me to watch a movie with them downstairs, but I politely declined. It's raining and I don't care. Thunderstorm's a brewing. My life is like a song called Blackbird by the Beatles and it's great.

I keep remembering fragments of things I said to David as we sat in Second Cup at Rideau and Dalhousie yesterday. We sat there for two hours just talking and our conversation turned from the most beautiful scene in The Fountain to an umbrella of ideas on how I need to put myself back together as a person. I hope he takes our conversation as a whole, and not line for line. You discover things when you talk out loud. It was really nice to sip on my #5 dark roasted coffee, listening to mediocre satellite radio in a cafe on a busy street in downtown Ottawa with a boy that's really friggin' special to me. I didn't care for a second that I was tearing up in a public place; I am sure the girl behind the counter briefed the employee who showed up halfway through our conversation on what she thought was being said.

We went for dinner at Montana's and caught the 10 o'clock showing of Iron Man at Southkeys Cineplex Odeon. Every since I moved to Berlin and microwaves were non-existent and, as a resulting, popcorn was hard to make, I cannot go to a movie theatre without munching on the great snack. It was such a treat when Christine and I would go see a movie in Berlin and have access to popcorn. There are so many trivial things we take advantage of.

The movie was okay. They should've cast someone other than Gweneth Paltrow as the love interest, and my favourite part (that was in the trailer) happened in the first 5 minutes of the film. Catching the bus home in the cold, I felt a little displaced by the aura of the Southkeys bus terminal and the crisp bite of the night.

Today I'm heading to campus to pick up a few things, but not before lunch: veggies dogs, sautéed mushrooms, and salad! I can't wait. After class I'm going to meet up with Sarah in Orleans. It'll be nice to get "outta the city" for a night (heh).

I fell asleep feeling good last night; my slumber was deep and solid. I've developed a tendency to wake with the birds between 5 and 7 in the morning. I am not tired.

I fought with my computer and internet connection until noon, trying to watch an uninterrupted stream of lectures and failing miserably, taking a 4 hour block to stutter through 2 hours of lecture. After cursing and complaining all through lunch, it picked up and I'm all caught up. Two papers and 5 novels by the end of next week, and I'll be fine.

I have some errands to do today. Meeting David downtown in a few. It's hard to describe at this moment how I am exactly feeling, but I will know soon. Positivity is comforting and nice. For the first time since, safely to say, last June, I am not afraid.

What an incredibly messy long weekend, though still the best one I've ever had (it's safe to say).

Friday included predrinks at Winston's flat. We met up with Sebastien and Emilie at Seb's flat and stumbled around the market after Laura and I were denied entrance to Suite 34 due to their "no shorts" policy (we were wearing capris, but apparently that excuse didn't fly). We found Christine and climbed a couple sets of stairs to The Lookout where we danced the night away, missing the last bus, heading to Zach's Diner for food (and causing a ridiculous ruccuss). I walked home (er.. stumbled) by 5:00am-ish, falling asleep (er.. passing out) to a sunrise.

I worked Saturday (somehow) and headed to David's with Christine for some predrinking with the same crew as the previous night. We didn't stay long before deciding to wipe our tiredness away and head downtown, though not before our lengthy chit chat in the Rideau washroom as a result of our indecisiveness regarding which bar to attend. We settled on The Lookout again because it's danceable and free, something quite hard to find on a long weekend in this busy city. Turns out it was drag night, and so unbelievably amazing. We headed to the new Dunn's on Dalhousie and George (where Hooters used to be) for some incredibly satisfying eats and a bucket-load of entertainment (possibly one of the best nights I've had in a while). We had to scarf our food down and pay our bills in a hurry since we realized at 2:50am that the last bus was 3.

I worked at 10 yesterday and the day was death; I was falling asleep all over the place. I got groceries with my landlady and roommate and headed home. My body was dead as a noodle until Velina poured some tasty wine in my glass and the two of us and Fawad (possibly the greatest people to live with) shot the shit for a little bit. I budgeted 10 minutes to walk to Erin's from my place and, no joke, I ran (just so I could say I made it). I may have been wrong in all my tired, scatter-brained, white wine buzz, but I'm almost positive it took me 12 minutes.

From there, Erin, Christine, Mike, Emily and I headed to Mod Club in the rain where a line had formed. The cards fell in a nice place when I learned Albert was working the door and we traded the line for a sweaty, over-packed dance floor (it was the better choice). It's been a while since I've been so sloppy at a bar, and I'm betting it's because I was drinking on a two-day hangover on no sleep and a work weekend, but I danced and danced (and so did Winston -- on stage). It was a lot of fun, though I didn't even manage to stay until last call. I remember walking down Bank Street with my arm around David's neck, probably spewing some ridiculous side note in my mind all over him and everyone walking by.

Before bed, I satisfied my empty, empty stomach with zoodles and crashed. This morning I worked at 1 and it was epic. I am in the best of moods, and I feel fine, despite my scratchy throat I swear I've caught from 1 of 7 people I know with strep. I got home after 9:30 tonight and headed to the meeting spot (the kitchen) for some eats. Fawad and Velina and I kept each other company until now, listening to Bulgarian music, watching hilarious youtube videos, and cooking pre-packaged food completely incorrectly (okay, that was just me). I love them. I am always in such a good mood with them.

I got three French films from the library a couple days ago and would really love to watch one now but my body is indicating otherwise. I have a pile of school work to do tomorrow and am trying to ditch my shift at work, but these things tend to happen to me. Did mention yet that Sarah and I's tenant application for the apartment we found was approved! Yes! My hands are dry from the towels at work. I need to get some hand cream.